This is a Domestic Problem

 It's weird the animals that man/woman have decided to domesticate for eating purposes I think. Even if the can double up as work animals around the farm/village the choices that have been made are sub par at best.

 Chickens need clipping, debeaking and controlling in sheds and all that jazz fusion but the common Seagull is just as tasty and comes to you, or your rubbish tip anyways, that's food convenience everybody, when your meal flies in on it's own time and energy to be eaten on a day of your choosing!

 Ok so you say you want a working farm animal you can eat later? The wild boar fits the bill perfectly, much quicker than a horse for getting around and cheaper to feed also, sure they gore people a bit but that's just all part of their charm.

 Replace boring cod and perch species in the farm waterways with pink freshwater river dolphins, sure they're more expensive to purchase initially but now you have a tourist attraction as well as Friday night dinner AND you now have pink freshwater river dolphins, which is pretty cool!

 How many ants does is take to replace some roast beef in a sandwich? I'm not sure probably thousands but luckily there's no shortage of these protein packed mini morsels. Ant farms have been underused as children's toys for way too long. First you meet your pets kids, then you eat your pets kids, that's the thrifty way learn, have fun and avoid hunger at the same time. 

  As always, you are welcome for the tips. Please feel free forward on any delicious pink freshwater river dolphin recipes. 

   

Think Abouting Cursing Animals

  So I sort of caught a bit of a new story that says dogs can possibly think. This is really amazing but my main focus is that I wonder do they have doggy swear words? Probably, they do right? They have a lot to be angry about in their daily life like trespassers, empty food bowls, balls not moving, cats that are moving and so forth.

  Dogs must really be cursing people (and cats) out sometimes when they bark a lot and I find it harder to love an animal that uses so much bad language. Seeing eye dogs for the blind on the other hand don't bark so much, but you have to let you're feelings out at some point, I assume when their owner is asleep they unleash a mountain of swears into their dog blanket or pillow which allows them the release they don't get as trained professional people helping dogs.

  In America a lot of dogs like to swear/bark at squirrels, here in Australia it's more likely to be a snake or lizard, one way of building up a database of what bark means what is to analyse a lizard swear/bark and a squirrel swear/bark, then we would be well on the way to communicating with dogs and getting them to stop being jerks sometimes.

  Imagine if you could swear back at your dog in it's own language when it misbehaves? Raising your voice and swearing at children works so well I don't see why it wouldn't be as effective on your dog. It's early days but let's hope for a breakthrough in this new scientific field as swears in other languages are also fun to impress friends and relatives.

RUFF RUFF! ( I don't know what that means in Doggish but it's probably very rude)  

Tom Scharpling comic book fan art.

Hi

 Here's a page of comic book art written by myself and drawn/inked by my comic book submission collaborator Bruce Lugli. It's to celebrate the genius of writer, broadcaster and comedian Tom Scharpling.

Hope you all enjoy it.

More comic book stuff from us:
http://atmospherecomicbook.blogspot.com.au/
http://otherworldnovel.blogspot.com.au/

It's Smaller World After All (My plans are implemented)

  I like foods that make me fat, but I don't like being fat! It's a problem as old as time(I can't back that up, so don't ask), we want what's bad for us and large amounts of it. That's why I'm proposing a nationalisation of the supply of sugar and fat by the government. We can't be expected to control our fat food dependancies on our own if all that's required to get our pudgey hands on it is by is trading money for these substances, proper control and distribution needs to be instigated and backed up by legislation. Apart from a population generally fitter, healthier and more productive we might actually end up with a defence force capable of invading and annexing New Zealand? Which is something that most Australians have had on their wish list since Papua New Guinea became independent.

  I know your thinking that a fat and sugar control program is a sugar free pie in the sky idea and could never get off the ground but consider all the other controlled substances found in chemists? That kind of works right? Under my program each person would get an photo identity card, children under 10 years old would be on their parents or guardians card, then it would as simple as calling into registered sugar or fat merchants to get your allowance each week. Non sugar/fat eating people would have to be on a separate data bank because they would be liable to become dealers of these substances after storing their allowances for a number of weeks. If they wanted to return to the fat foods eating community they would have to write a essay about how they'd like to start watching a lot of TV and such and such. 

  I know it's a harsh measure but desper-FAT times call for desperate measures. Keep these factors in mind: No Gym sessions, no cooking shows(containing sugar or fat which make you crave bad foods and bored to death), no exercise programs on TV, no advertisements for exercise equipment on TV, honestly, the benefits go on and on. The only negatives are that our private details will be tracked slightly more so by the government..who love us. After one year of this new regime anyone still deemed chubby or husky would be sent to New Zealand (which we have annexed by that point) to walk it off in the mountains searching for new or endangered Kiwi Bird species.

  Think you've skirted around my legislation by eating gallons of honey? Well all Bee hives would be surrounded by a electric fences Einsteins! 

  

Well I Thought About the Army.

  Most boys and some girls at some stage go through a phase of playing armies, I guess it's something that you see on TV and in movies and think is really cool. This is just a reminder that real war can be fairly awful, there's bad food, noise, dust, lots of marching, tent erecting, gun cleaning and killing people plus your smart uniform gets all dirty and your Mum's not around to wash it for you! So the reality does not at all match up with the fantasy. This is the same with a number of childhood aspirations I eventually discovered. They seem awesome at first, then learning how to do the job is quite boring. I'll take you through a few professions that I was going to pursue as a child until effort rose it's fugly head.

Army Officer - As I found out this required going to some weird army university called Duntroon or something, I had 6 more years of school to complete at that point so the thought of doing more wasn't palatable. The army was then out, playing armies was still totally in though.

Park and Wildlife Officer - I love animals and wearing khaki shorts (even too this day) once again there was university to complete but I thought it might be easier because I knew a lot of the animals names already. Then I found out there was fencing and wooden hut building involved plus you might get posted to somewhere dusty which was kind of what I hated about the army i.e. getting my khaki shorts dirty.

Chef - This was realistically something I could do but then I figured out that someone has to do all the washing up from the cooking plus the restaurant. Would that be my job as a chef? I didn't know but I'd already washed enough dishes by the age of 10 to know I was definitely going to avoid it as a an adult. Being a Chef was too risky, think again Dan.

Astronaut - Too me this was like driving a car but in space and with rockets. I was never on board with all this going to the Moon business but shooting lasers from a safe distance at evil space aliens seemed a good way to earn a living and there was generally a uniform that was sometimes khaki. I then found out you had tone Russian or American to become an astronaut so that drew a line through that plan!

  So it was one crushing revelation after another on the career front for little Dan but then something wonderful happened, I found sport, but that's a whole different disappointing chapter.    

We'll Make Great Pets

  Life after aliens come and take over won't be as super fun as you might think, of course there will be no hunger and hover trains along with using their alternative energy technology will make day to day live much easier and cheaper (if they allow us to keep a monetary system?) but with every large change in the structure of society, a unique set of challenges is thrown up to overcome.

  Would you let your daughter marry an alien? I would, but then I'm not a hateful bigot, it's a good chance our friends from the stars are going to want to participate in our customs and dating/mating will be an area they may be really keen to get involved. Be careful how you react when your son brings home a young alien overlord for dinner as being vaporised in your own home is not the heartwarming last memories you want to provide to your family.

  I guess we'll all learn their language eventually, but for older humans that are a bit stuck in their ways expect to see a lot of vaporisation incidents after an alien has lost it's temper after having being repeatedly spoken to in a condescendingly loud voice in some customer service situation.

  While I'm on the subject of customer service, these organisms can't expect to take over a whole planet and that everything will run fine! I just hope they have the foresight to instigate an efficient customer/slave service program. I would assume feedback is essential when building a multi-planet slave corporation anyway.

  So there's a few bugs to work out but it's going to be great, and if an arriving alien needs to probe you don't be a big baby and cry about it, they're only doing their job.

Part 5 - It All Goes to Compost

  Recording for their first album went great, the boys spent each morning working in the tulip fields then after a hearty lunch took to the studio and recorded one awesome gardening themed track after another till 9p.m. when a cheese supper was served before bed. At the end of their stay at the farm the guys had a great debut album and a full understanding of modern tulip propagation, not to mention a fully recharged batteries that were ready to rock. 'Enough Grapefruits for the Whole Class?' debuted at Number 8 but after 2 weeks rose right to the Top of the Pops, the first wave of success is a crazy time for any musician and being Spring also for any young gardener as the boys were swamped with fan mail asking for autographs and seeds from a pumpkin grown by Brian himself were reportedly being sold on the black-market for 20 pounds each! On the back of this massive U.K. success 'Three Peas in a Pod' and the Captain set off to conquer America.

  Night after night, gig after gig the band covered the whole continental United States bravely keeping up the appearance of being a great young band on the rise but underneath a darker truth was starting to surface Ali had been sniffing fertiliser for years socially but with the enormous success of the group his ''hobby'' had now become a full blown addiction, Pots was also having his own problems after a trip to do a couple of shows in Hawaii he had met the girl of his dreams on a orchard plantation for a photo shoot and now he was backing touring all the time he had trouble focusing on the music and longed to get back to the islands again but Brian himself faced the most heinous challenge of all…fishing! During the Hawaii trip a local millionaire took the boys out on his yacht compelled to be a good guest Brian agreed to wet a line at his hosts request and found he really loved it. Brian now thought of only one thing, fish and fishing, sort of two things really. A blessing in disguise came when Ali burst through the door of the hotel the band was staying at in Acron, Ohio, ''He gone the bastard!'' he exclaimed, ''Who has?'' said Pots and Brian in unison, ''The Captain, he's been collecting our fees in cash and hiding it as padding in his scarecrow outfit, now he's skipped to Mexico to start some hydroponic business with all our money!''

  The boys said nothing, there was nothing to say, they knew the circumstances had colluded to end their musical dream. The boys finished their last six dates in America which gave them just enough money to get back to the U.K. except for Pots he headed straight for Hawaii and marriage where he still lives as one of the finest orchid geneticists in his field. Ali's fertiliser sniffing got a lot worse before he eventually checked himself into rehab in the late 90s, he now runs a small cottage garden nursery outside of Norwich. For Brian fishing was now his only passion, all his songwriting royalties were spent on the finest gear, rods and lures and he began travelling the globe looking to catch as many species of gamefish as he could. So did fishing destroy the dream lifestyle of rock and soil for Brian?  Gardening by day and music by night, I don't think so, he reached the peak of his profession the only way to go was down, but he went sideways into another profession to avoid ever being seen as a failure or sell out well played young man, and we still have his music forever even if his vegetables are long eaten.