Wednesday, 2 May 2012

It's Smaller World After All (My plans are implemented)

  I like foods that make me fat, but I don't like being fat! It's a problem as old as time(I can't back that up, so don't ask), we want what's bad for us and large amounts of it. That's why I'm proposing a nationalisation of the supply of sugar and fat by the government. We can't be expected to control our fat food dependancies on our own if all that's required to get our pudgey hands on it is by is trading money for these substances, proper control and distribution needs to be instigated and backed up by legislation. Apart from a population generally fitter, healthier and more productive we might actually end up with a defence force capable of invading and annexing New Zealand? Which is something that most Australians have had on their wish list since Papua New Guinea became independent.

  I know your thinking that a fat and sugar control program is a sugar free pie in the sky idea and could never get off the ground but consider all the other controlled substances found in chemists? That kind of works right? Under my program each person would get an photo identity card, children under 10 years old would be on their parents or guardians card, then it would as simple as calling into registered sugar or fat merchants to get your allowance each week. Non sugar/fat eating people would have to be on a separate data bank because they would be liable to become dealers of these substances after storing their allowances for a number of weeks. If they wanted to return to the fat foods eating community they would have to write a essay about how they'd like to start watching a lot of TV and such and such. 

  I know it's a harsh measure but desper-FAT times call for desperate measures. Keep these factors in mind: No Gym sessions, no cooking shows(containing sugar or fat which make you crave bad foods and bored to death), no exercise programs on TV, no advertisements for exercise equipment on TV, honestly, the benefits go on and on. The only negatives are that our private details will be tracked slightly more so by the government..who love us. After one year of this new regime anyone still deemed chubby or husky would be sent to New Zealand (which we have annexed by that point) to walk it off in the mountains searching for new or endangered Kiwi Bird species.

  Think you've skirted around my legislation by eating gallons of honey? Well all Bee hives would be surrounded by a electric fences Einsteins! 

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