Saturday, 16 July 2011

One country for old men.

Dear South Sudan
 Thanks for the inspiration, hope it works out, love the flag.
Best wishes, Dan.

For the rest of you, Welcome to Dan-o-topia! I'm declaring my own sovereign nation for a 5km radius around my 3 bed, 1 bathroom palace where I slouch benevolently on my flower patterned couch/throne of power. I will be a harsh but fair ruler and you will love me just like we loved Liz the Second in the old days or P.D.L.T. (Pre Dan Lame-o Times) Here's but a few new laws:

1. No more nodding or shaking your head. It's thumbs up or down, two thumbs for state functions.
2. All new biscuits are to personally approved by me. And the old ones are to be re-named e.g Dan Fingers, Iced Dan-Dans, Dim-Dans and  Spicy Dan Rolls.
3. Drive properly. That is good advice in or out of this new nation.
4. Drugs and alcohol are forbidden, spinning till dizzy is the new crazy fad, pubs will have designated spinning areas inside and outside for spin-smokers.
5.Details, details.
The coat of arms: Two budgies squabbling over a millet spray.
State drink: Raspberry diet cola in a Vegemite or Kraft cheese spread jar.
National anthem: Anything by ABBA except 'Fernando'
State flower: A sunflower with a smiley face stuck on.
Our mottos: ''Group hug!'' and ''How's the go going?''

Bring me your thonged and track suited, your balding and bloated for tomorrow we begin life anew in a brave new world. 

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