Every ancient civilization from the dawn of time or whenever their digital watch alarm went off has had their own set of gods and deities. From a praying for your land to be fertile to praying for your wife to be fertile and then praying for your daughter to be less fertile people have looked towards the heavens and offered sacrifices to try and convince the gods to smile upon them a grant their wishes.
These days in our culture survival is fairly easy but we still would like a few more things to go our way. I'm suggesting there may be a new set of hipper more modern deities we can make offerings too and yes, you might just get your dreams fulfilled tubby!
Populoso - God of Social networking - Leave a full size Mars bar at his altar and this deity may give you many Twitter or Facebook followers, your self esteem will soar like Icarus.
Sweatus Shoppinia - Goddess of Bargain Garments - Imagine you have the power to foresee all within the Target catalogue, pray to her and your discount clothes bounty will flow like wine.
Saint Rhodetrippe - Patron Saint of Traffic and Travel - Keep a effigy of this guy on your dashboard, you might get longer greens at traffic lights, Volvos may mysteriously move out of your lane and public toilets become more apparent and cleaner.
Hiyass-core - Spirit of the Hunt - Can't complete a level, destroy a demon or vanquish a ghost on your choice of computer game? Burn two novels, anything Bronte or Stephen King is suggested, in the pyre for this deity and you could find yourself master of your Dungeons and Dragons club chapter in no time ( I used this one myself )
In a society where we have so much, it seems natural to get just a little bit more, after all you deserve it , you've managed to read all this without sending a text, go spoil yourself.