Saturday, 29 October 2011


I know we all fantasize that one day our town will be the one that's bans dancing. Apart from making otherwise reasonable people look very silly, it poses a considerable occupational health and safety risk, especially when any song involving ''Getting your hands up'' is played.
Discotheques are an accident waiting to happen, or possibly the accident has already happened, I have no idea as I only attend proper seated functions where moving your body around is reserved for the secret handshake only.
Other social conventions are just as foolhardy, handshaking spreads Salmonella and kissing can result in bird, swine and sometimes human flu. I even understand that some germs have ''No returns'' ? Which sounds horrible.
A small number of vertebrae displacements result from slaps on the back and there's even one documented case on concussion from a pat on the back of the head.
The social convention that creates the largest number of hospitalisations is the hug.  There can be accidental rib fractures, shoulder dislocations and head trauma from going in on the wrong side. It causes nervous tension in young children at family functions.
Look, if you really really have to touch another person why not go for a hearty high five or pinch on the cheek (face cheek you pervert!) that's something everyone can enjoy and no one gets hurt.  

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