Monday, 6 June 2011

Weight loss

....Weight lost! I should say so!

More and more often these days I'm asked ''Dan, you have a ripped six pack like Jesus and the biceps of a Bulgarian watermelon juggler, how do you keep so darn buff and attractive?'' Of course it's pretty easy for someone like myself, I naturally have the low body fat and facial symmetry that Western culture prefers but as a community service and as part of my community service I've concocted a 'Hike-Pikers Guide to the Galaxy'  which is actually aimed just at the inhabitants of Earth rather than an all encompassing fitness regime for every creature within the Milky Way but it's a great title!

1. Cauliflower Power - First build up some energy by downing two or three strawberry or banana milkshakes, steer clear of chocolate though it's full of empty calories. Supporting your local grocer purchase two cauliflowers and strap one to each ankle, now it's time to jog home using a pizza for dinner as incentive. Try running a little further each day or putting a avocado in each pocket. 

2. Eat right - That is, through the mouth, other orifice options for ingesting food are often painful, messy and the worst way to feel the burn.

3. Wait lifting - Older people can often use a hand around the home so why not wait around an old folks home for the opportunity to burn off some calories cleaning a bedpan or fluffing the odd pillow? Showing off how strong you are compared to an 80 year old is great for morale too! Note: It's acceptable to receive a 'Werther's Original' for payment of these duties and it's tax deductable.

Stick to these rules and adopt my 'No fudge! No pudge to budge' eating recommendations and I'll meet you on the catwalk in no time. 

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